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Help! (Really need it!!!)

Please people, it only takes a few seconds of your time! That's it, that's all!
And you'd really, really help me, cos I am over 200 votes behind! My deepest gratitude and thanks if you vote! xxx

Vote here for Falena & Domingo;
http://haarzuilens.elffantasy.com



For King and Queen of Elfia. You might think, why vote for a fantasy thing? Cos it's real enough! The King & Queen get to open the fairs, give people prizes, represent Elfia for the media, one is in fact for a whole year the businesscard, the face of the Elf Fantasy Fair, the biggest fantasy event in Europe!!! That's what it's for!

The theme of this year is Pantheon, all Gods and Goddesses together. I depict a half-goddess and main videos ask to be elected and my pirate video talks about the many shapes and forms one can take; pirate, animal, elf, human, everything.

Here are my videos (sorry, in Dutch, but you can get the gest);





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Fear

One Horrendous Night

I had the most horrendous night last night. My period finally set through and I have laid awake almost the entire night with semi-murderous cramps. I've been in and out of bed several times, roled around from back to stomach, to side, to stomach, to back, have held a hotwater bottle on my stomach and against my lower back as the pains happily ran through the back as well. Luckily these cramps only occir for several hours a month just before the show starts and then I have a day of feeling tired, with a feeling of a bloated stomach and nagging almost ongoing lighter cramps which make me feel I have to go to the toilet about every single hour. Though since the most intense cramps happened during the night, I now have the splendid added feeling during the day of having been hit by a truck. Yes, happy womanhood. Not.

And since I 'celebrated' my for the coming time 'not going to drink alcohol when alone at home' with a few small glasses of pink champagne to wave it all goodbye for now, I also couldn't take an Ibuprofen as I don't like mixing alcohol with pain killers. So yes, my night was simply horrendous and now my day is the same, simply because I haven't slept a wink and lay curled up with pain all night.

So I have no idea whether my new orthopedic pillow (made of memory foam) is working or not. I easily suffer from back pains and the last few days I have been having pain in neck as well, so since my old pillows just didn't give any support anymore I bought myself an orthopedic one. 59 freaking Euros. I can't afford it really. But since the depression is also depriving me of sleep at times I figured I'd best get something good to lay my head on for the hours that I can sleep.



And yes, I have been spending more money that I don't really have as I have finally found a movie I had been looking for ever since I was a kid and had seen it once on tv. I had no idea what it was called as the video back then had a translated to Dutch title and I have searched and searched and searched, simply because I felt I had to see it again. The atmosphere in it was amazing, or at least, as far as I can remember, because I was a kid after all. Imagine my surprise when I saw it in the music store between the Manga movies! It's called The Castle Of Cagliostro and you can see what it's about here;
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Castle_of_Cagliostro



It's a Manga movie by Hayao Miyazaki, who also made the more recent Howl's Moving Castle, another movie I absolutely love. Try to find and see both of them if you can.

That's it for now, my Ibyprofen has finally started to work and now I am only feeling exhausted, but my belly seems more at ease. Finally. It's time for tea and hanging on the couch for a bit now. I am a woman, I am having my period, so I am fully entitled to do absolutely nothing today and wallow in feeling tired and crappy. See you later. Or something.

It's Pink and fluffy.

I am watching 'Simply Irresistible'. A great movie, full of magic. And I could elaborate on all it's wonderful images it puts into my mind, about the perfect man that I want to find, no correct, I will find and the great life I will still lead, when I have truly found myself and am one with myself and with that person. I know alot of you think that's just bullshit and just dream stuff, but yeah you know what; I believe and I will have it, so screw anyone who doesn't believe. Because just like in other folk, Faeries, Vampires, Spirits, all of those beautiful creatures and energies, what would we be without them, life would simply be too boring, I may be found exclusively extra-ordinarily mad, but I don't give a damn, because I can honestly say from the bottom of my heart and my imagination, my own true soul of believing in it all, all that's magic; I believe.



I am in love with the possibilities of Life itself and I believe that there's a person out there who believes the same and who's the other part of my soul, without whom I am only living half, who can make me feel complete and I will find him. And I will find him some day soon.

Mark my words. I will proof it to you all. Magic does happen and it will happen to me and it will be love that is the magic and what will make it all seem magical. And it will happen soon.

Here's the deal;

I am a nutcase. I am an overly utterly and old-fashionedly romantic girl with a heart as wide and open as the oceans, all of the oceans in the world and I don't care that I am different, that I am 'out' of this world, that I am a dreamer who believes in all of her dreams, who's afraid of things that can't be seen and yet is surviving just the same on things that can't be seen. Psychology will render me ripe for the nuthouse, but all of you out there who believe in Love and Magic will believe me and will know I already do know that it will and can happen. Love and Life are like food. Like in the movie. They can stimulate and provocate and love and render you insane and wanting and waiting for more. I'm in love with life and it's possibilties. I may not think I can survive and yet I feel I will survive. That all of my dreams can come true. That I will be happy exactly the way I want to be happy. That all and everything can and will happen. It's just a few more weeks, perhaps a few more months. But then you'll see it's true. Because in this lifetime it will happen. My soulmate and I will re-unite, my spiritual twin and I will come together and unite an be one again and then we'll move on to become as happy as we can be in this lifetime.

Pink Champagne talking? Bubbles without ice? Or imagination stimulated by the movie. Or just dreams? I don't care, because I believe. How insane it may sound. I believe. And I know that it will happen. Because what we think is truth, maybe not in this realm, but then certainly in another. And we can make it ours. If not today, then tomorrow. Or perhaps the day after. But nothing, is impossible...

I greet thee... Good night!

See how crazy I am? I actually walk around with a dog in a buggy. But he's one of the best and most wonderful doggies ever and frankly my dear, about appearing to look like a madcase; I don't give a damn...

 

I love him and he was the BEST Valentine's date ever. Because we hugged and just lay there half asleep together for an hour or so and it was warm and cosy and nice and sweet. Better than any man could pull of so far, because all they think about mostly is sex and not warmth and care. But a dog gives you unconditional love and warmth and care and so he was my best, and first, Valentine's date ever.

Pictures are copyright me and were made today.

Scuse the typos. It's bed time...

Tonight I Apologised To The Dog

Tonight I am taking a glass of whiskey to forget. It is that, or worse. And I refuse to do worse.

I apologised to the dog tonight, for not offering him a better life. I can only think he may have been better of somewhere else, some other family. I mean, I really love him to bits, but my mum is always away and she can't give him the attention he needs. But look at me... Wasted and sad. Depressed. The dog's got an itchy skin, 'cos of stress. It's probably because of me. Dogs do that, tune in to their owners. Poor thing. What a thing to tune in to. Maybe if I weren't feeling so lousy I could do more stuff with him. Play with him more often, take him on longer walks. Make him run and be happy. Just generally give him a better life... But maybe I should do that with myself as well. If only I knew how.

I saw one of those silly shows again tonight, you know where people sing and are made 'into stars'. Singing. I wish I could do more with that. Sing, perform, make videos. But I know I am not good enough yet by far. Sure I have a different sound, but I am not commercial. So basically that makes me screwed.

Second in line to singing is probably photography. And somewhere sharing first place with singing would be writing. But look at my options. A million people at least far better at it than me and these are not exactly things to make a decent living of, unless you're really really good. And I'm not. I am reasonable. I am ok. But I am no enigma.

So tonight I am drinking whiskey. Because I want to forget. My throat hurts because I got my breathing 'tick' again because of anxiety, stress, whatever and I am tired and achy and feeling really rather depressed. I feel like a major screw-up. I know it's mainly the hormones talking here, because he, that lovely monthly event is coming up again and sure to know the few days before always make me wanna jump of a building or at least end it all, but I know where it's coming from, so I don't...

I just drag myself through the days, barely able to get myself to make me dinner and should take an asperine for the throat, but that together with the whiskey doesn't seem like a too brilliant idea. So I am finishing my glass and then I'll drop into bed. Hopefully just tipsy enough to sleep well. For a change...

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